Sunday, 31 January 2016

Daki Korporatasi

A: Syafiqah, kenapa kita kena belajar? You sedar tak dah berapa tahun kita buat benda ni. Lama kot, dari kecik. Actually kita bukan belajar pon kan. Kita bukan belajar sebab kita memang nak belajar. Kita belajar sebab nak dapat good reults so that nati boleh dapat kerja bagus. Lepastu?

B: Kak Nani, semalam kita tengok cerita '3 Idiot'. Ada satu part tu yang kita sukalah nak quote, 'study what's your passion is.' Kita tak rasa kita amik ACCA ni sebab memang kita nak, more to sebab nak peuhi kehendak parents. Dah berapa kali kita rasa nak give up.

C: Pika kau tahu tak kadang-kadang aku rasa menyesal. Menyesal sebab selama ni kerja aku belajar je. Kau kalau dulu masa before SPM ke PMR, time cuti kau belajar tak? Aku memang kena belajar. Sekarang ni aku macam menyesal kenapa dulu aku tak rebel sikit. Aku ikut je parents aku suruh aku buat apa-apa. Dulu aku adalah jugak main sport masa sekolah rendah tapi lepas tu dah tak. Parents aku dah tak bagi.

D: You ada tak parents you marah kalau you tak study? I tak boleh, kalau tak dapat pointer 3 memang balik rumah kena bantailah. Sebab tu I bukan jenis study sangat pon. Kalau seminggu before final tu you jangan kacau I lah memang I takkan keluar bilik buat apa pon kalau tak mati nak jawab dekat parents I.


Lega rasa bila tuhan bagi aku kesempatan nak luahkan rasa tak puas hati aku kali ni. Lama sangat dah simpan rasa. Bukannya aku cuba membuang sabar. Aku sabar bila kawan-kawan mengadu penat belajar. Terlalu sabar bila ada juga kawan yang gaya macam kononnya dah tak ada life tapi part berjimba tak pernah lupa. Kelakar.

Suka sangat dengar bila coursemate mengadu Mathemetics susah tapi meniru tutorial tak sudah. Suka jugak bila tengok lecturer perihatin masa depan student bagi tips exam macam nak provide segala jawapan semata untuk student pass.

Lepastu boleh kau datang perli tak puas hati, ahh tak payah tanya ika semua A A A A punyalah. Kelakar.

Aku suka quote "If you don't busy living, you are busy dying." dari buku It's Kind of A Funny Story, Ned Vizzini. So do tell me something, are we just happen to be here just because we aren't dead yet. Are you sure that you're still alive? Or had you actually already dead.. inside.

Definisi hidup untuk setiap orang tu berbeza, jadi aku cuba untuk faham. Aku tak berhak untuk judge sebab aku tak lalui apa yang mungkin orang lain pernah lalui. Mungkin hidup aku yang tak pernah ada masalah, kau fikir. Jadi kau pon bukanlah yang selayaknya untuk menghakimi susah senang hidup aku. Tapi satu yang pasti, sampai bila nak bertanding peraga hidup siapa lebih susah. Tak beri manfaat. Sampai bila nak minta orang simpati pada diri? Dan bila masanya nak berhenti simpati dengan diri sendiri.

Kau tak rasa nikmat bila segalanya melimpah ruah depan mata. Kau tak upaya untuk walau sedikit merasa syukur, walau sedikit. Kau yang pilih untuk membuta mata, dan untuk itu kau memilih mati. Kau matikan segala rasa untuk kesenangan yang seketika depan mata. Kau lupa hak yang perlu kau peuhi untuk diri kau 10 20 tahun kemudian. Percayalah, kau akan sakit.

Kau tanya, untuk apa perlu belajar?

Sahabat, kalau kau fikir masuk lecture 2 jam, siapkan tutorial, assignment, quiz tu belajar kau silap. Kalau kau rasa hafal lecture note, text book tu belajar kau lagi salah. Kalau setakat tu je kau hadkan diri kau untuk faham konsep belajar macam mana kau mampu optimumkan potensi diri kau sebagai mahasiswa.

Mahasiswa yang hidupnya hanya berlegar di 3K (Kelas, katil, kafe). Fahamlah belajar itu satu proses yang takkan berhenti selagi jasad masih bernyawa. Siapa yang pilih untuk sepenuhnya berhenti belajar, dia itu mati. Jadi kenapa belajar menjadi sesuatu yang susah? Sekali lagi, belajar tak susah. Yang susah bila kau cuba menghafal nota dan tips tanpa usaha untuk faham konsep dan aplikasinya.

Kau takut gagal bila gagal pon adalah satu proses untuk belajar. Jadi kau belajar kerana takut, dan kau tanya aku kenapa belajar tu susah?

Segala benda jadi susah bila yang memotivasikan kau itu rasa takut. Cuba. Cuba kau cari kekuatan pandang sejauh-jauhnya. Pandang impian yang kau sangkut tinggi di angkasa. Pandang merentas benua, percaya yang kaki kau kan mampu menjejak sana. Pandang kecil dunia yang kan kau tinggal tak lama.

Itu definisi hidup aku. Hidup dari pandangan hidup orang lain. Kau akan rasa cukup dan syukur. Belajar bukan satu perkara yang kau buat seharian hingga menjadi rutin tanpa kau sedar. Belajar itu memberi makna pada material yang kau peroleh. Material semata tanpa makna itu sampah.

Jadi cuba belajar memaknakan material. Buang segala cara yang kau tahu dan cari perspektif yang baru. Belajar mencari bagaimana cara mampu kau rasa untuk belajar dahulu. Kerana rasa itu yang menghidupkan. Dan sungguh rasa itu letaknya di hati.

Kau duduk, dan cuba kau tanya diri apa yang kau nak?

 I want to be overwhelm with the feeling of able to enjoy new things.

I'm not sure what I'm doing, is this all enough?

Because I seek more. 

Wednesday, 27 January 2016

Long-distance Relation

It’s almost 5 months now. I didn’t realize time could flew this fast. I’m so used to it right now, jealousy is slowly turning it way round. Funny when it’s turned up that you’re the one who are keeping your friends’ sense on the ground. It’s a good feeling, but not really.

What will you do when a friend of hundreds kilometer away calling you in tears in a subway? What will you do when you text a friend to say hye, and she just pour all her problems out? How will you feel?

If you’re planning on going somewhere far away aren’t you supposed to at least be happy? Why in the whole world that you are not? It’s frustrates me so much. How could I be content when I know there’s someone who is not. To be happy is not a sin. There’s nothing wrong in wanting to be happy. Why putting conditions and terms to restrict yourself from being happy?

It is hard being alone with no real friends and family you could really talk to. It even gets lonely at times. It made you think twice about your past decisions and how you wish you know better. That’s why He made you not knowing. Because then you will only choose the one which only please you, not the one which are really good for you.

Be happy.

Stop just wishing to be happy, and start to really be! Because you know what, I have tons of complaints and dissatisfactions and at times I really want to rant on and on about some petty things but its hard when there’s others taking the highlights away. It made my problems look tiny and trivial in comparison. But, they’re still problems and most importantly they’re mine.

So I stop writing. Because I told myself, if it’s not going to be beneficial to others, don’t bother.

I don’t intend to write anything motivational. If you seek that in my writing sorry but I’ll just simply be a disappointment. Find yourselves that in a bookstore. I’m writing life experience stories. I’m translating emotions lay deep within. I’m presenting opinions and thoughts I don’t have the opportunity to voice out. I don’t want to be a motivationer.

 Look into my life, and live better. Hear my thoughts, and think better.

I am happy. So please, be happier :)

(Cardiff, UK- Pahang, MAS)

Saturday, 2 January 2016

Budget 2016

(Disclaimer: This post didn't related in any way to the previous Malaysia post-budget 2016 tabling. However, to appreciate your effort you can download the summary of the report here : Budget 2016.pdf)

I don't exactly know why but I think this was the most depressed new year I had ever experienced. To think that I am reaching 21 years old and had done basically nothing worth to the society, it's just upsetting. So here I was spending the last two days bursting out over the dreams I had not yet able to realise. When I was just about an arm close to it, and foolishly I just give in. I only thought about the present and so overwhelmed by emotions at that moment, I gave it out - my dreams.

And now, once again I had been given the opportunity to sketch out a new dream, to structure out new plans. I really had learnt my lesson. From the very moment I fell off the ground, I had not waking up just for the sake of moving on. But I'm waking up realising that hey I still have hope.

Maybe, the path are a little bit different and strange. And that I might not even like it at all. But, believe me I'm really giving it all out here. I'm going to nail my studies, not for the reason so that people would be impress in me, but for my dreams. Just what kind of dreams you might wonder I had in mind. Well, it's a really big dream I must say.

Talking about my dreams here, I'm really pissed off the whole previous week. I had been brainwashed with the perception that by being a Muslim, your only goal is to attain Jannah (heaven). And to achieve so, you don't have to worry about what your status are in this world. That it's okay if you are not brilliant, as long as you could maintain your state of iman (faith). That if you are not able to obtain good grades in exam, it's not because you didn't work hard on it. It's because He had written it to be so, and He knows better what is good for you and your iman.

To an extent I'm not saying that it was all wrong, it could be true that way. But just why and again I emphasise here, why didn't you look at it the other way round? Why do we really love the conservative way of thinking when it comes to Islam? I'm not saying you should be progressive either. I'm saying, shouldn't we take it moderately in all aspects when it comes to Islam? Moderately as in to be fair by putting each rights to their respective place accordingly.

When in KISAS, we were always been greatly reminded about this kind of things every single day. Like, get proper sleep because you body also have its rights. Don't skipped meals and studying too hard, fulfill your body rights first. Do some exercise and worked out, Allah had give you a healthy body you should maintain it. Every single things that entitled to us are responsibilities that we need to take care of. Because at the end, we will being asked about it all.

Same with this world. He had put this world under our supervision. He had entrusted it to us and not to others. Then why aren't we sparing this world its rightful rights as much as we put the hereafter as our prioritisation?

I meant to say, it isn't wrong if you wish to be successful and powerful in this world. Don't condemned and distance yourself with the worldly matter just because you had seen many bad peoples becoming corrupted from their very much possessions and power in this world. Just don't be afraid.

Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children (Al-hadid : 20)

Don't be afraid.

Be not faint hearted and be not sorrowful, you will surely gain the upper hand, if you be true believers.(139)
If you have received a blow now, your enemy also received a similar blow. These are the vicissitudes of time that We alternate among the people; this has been done so that Allah may test from among you who were believers and choose the righteous witnesses of the Truth; for Allah does not like the workers of iniquity (140)
and by this test He willed to sort out true believers and to crush down the disbelievers. (141)
Do you think that you will enter Paradise without undergoing any trial? Allah has not yet tried you to see who among you are ready to lay down your lives in His way and who will show fortitude for His sake.(142)
You used to long for death but that was before you confronted it. Well, now it has come before you, and you have seen it with your own eyes. (143)
(Ali Imran : 139-143)

This is the verse that put me both at ease and wary during the Paris airstrike on Syria. Yeah how would you not be. And from the tafseer Bukhari, it also included a narration mention by Ibn Umar from the prophet saying, the believer that associates with the society and be patient with the turbulence are better than a believer that are not associating with the society and are not patient with the turbulence.

However, the ulama' had discussed in full length about this issues following through other sahih narration mention by the prophet about the importance of uzlah (separating) to protect yourself and your iman. It would be interestingly better if only during usrah or liqa' we could discuss about important things like this. So interestingly better.

Huhh I guess supposedly I shouldn't be ranting about trivial things like this. Still the old me.

So, this is where the real point of the head tittle come in. And how the story above can be kind of related to it. You see, I had this small bank where I kept all my saving and it had been 2 months since I started. I had make a bookkeeping and record all of my expenses every day. So much thanks to all those 2 years of doing Accounting during my A Level. I had been able to prepare a budgeting, where in every RM50 worth a week, I had to at least save for RM20. In a month, I could save at least RM80. Though, honestly it was very easy to trail off the budget. It's not like you could mind-controlling your stomach to not feeling hungry. I just wish I could though.

There's reasons why I save. You could obviously tell what the reasons are from the picture above. Half of the savings will be allocated as a capital for me to startup a business and the other half are for Haj purposes. And I put them in ratio 1:1 because I see both of them as equally important.

I know my eternal goal would be to achieve Jannah, I don't want it to be otherwise. But, would it be wrong if I put half of my commitment to serve the world. There's so much thing that I wanted to do and contribute. So much people that I wish to help. So much things that I wanted it to change. I'm sorry for having that much greed. I just don't believe that this world had not a single share to the after world. That's why I planned the budget that way. Half would be for the short term, and the other half is for the infinitely long term.

Still, I respect any way you find convenience for yourself. Always, this kind of things made me thinking and reflect back on my true intentions and motives. Because sometimes, Allah have its special ways in sending an unexpected events in your life as a reminder or warning even so that you won't trail off the track.

Either way, let's start the new year with brand new hopes and dreams :)