Thursday, 31 December 2015

Lama Yang Baru

Aku masih sama seperti dulu.
Masih si bangsat berlumur dosa.

Dikurnia hidup tapi aku bodoh.
Terlalu senang lagak aku sudah ditempat syurga.

Macam mana aku mampu hidup.
Dunia yang kau campak rampas segala kudrat tenaga.

Terlalu penat untuk peduli semua.
Tapi tidak pernah upaya berkorban jiwa.

'Jangan bersedih wahai Muhammad dengan apa yang telah mereka lakukan.'
Tuhan yang meredakan kesedihan Muhammad.
Redakan jua sedihku.

Aku kan sentiasa malu.
Untuk memohon diampunkan dosa yang telah lalu.

Jadi kurniai aku.

Untuk yang baru aku cuma mahu.

Sunday, 20 December 2015

Women Empowerment

I always have this one question wandering in mind whenever I decided to attend a talk - will it be the same ‘cliché’ talk again or will it not? Cliché would have different meanings depending on different people. But, my cliché here specifically mean for, please let it not be anything about early marriage, on how to become the ‘muslimah sejati’, on petty womanly matters for short. Talks that mainly derived from feelings and emotions rather than focussing on answering and discussing the main issues – that is cliché.

It’s not that I don’t have any feelings or emotions. Instead, I am writing based on emotions today. It’s just that, I am not willing sacrificing my time, my money and my attentions just to hear you talking on and on about your feelings and how big you feels it is.

That’s why I am very selective on deciding which talk to attend. Note: when I mention talk, it’s not the mosque-lecture kind of talk.


It was intriguing when at the end of the talk, the survey form was asking me about my thoughts on ‘Women Empowerment’? I know that they would have meant to say what I thought about the talk as a whole. But I don’t interpret it that way at the first place. I thought they asked me to define the term when I first heard it.

Obviously I am a woman. At least, that’s how I view myself. But truthfully, there’s time that I hate woman and hating myself for being born woman. Shocking? I don’t literally hate ‘woman’, it’s an implicit statement by the way.

I just hate the way woman treated themselves. And the way they let others treats them.

Compared with my friends, I am relatively small (in size) and short too. Sometimes, it was really hard being small. I was so used with being pushed around in a crowded place, so used for my vision to be blocked in classroom, so used with feeling insecure and anxious when walking in public. But, as time goes, I begin to realise that I had always need to confront with things larger than me. And all those tormenting years are actually a very precious practices and teachers for me.

I still am small, unfortunately. But something that had grown large for the past years are what was beneath. Make your weakness an advantage against your opponent.

I know it’s impossible to expect for everybody to tough up. Each and every one of us are surely will be different in personalities, values, and attitudes, though it’s something frustrating to confront every day with still, it’s kind of beautiful. Everyone is a book that you need to spare some time to review and read, surely not just by their mere cover.

Zainab Al-ghazali, Isabella; know these two figures and know how real their fights were. Only then you will see that yours are nothing compared to them. Not even close. So, what is women empowerment meant again to me?

One of the speakers raises an issue that put a grin in my face. Spot on! Totally not cliché.

“The only reasons why I came today all the way from home was because I’m worried. I’m worried that whenever I conducted interviews, the majority of them are not local graduated and only small majority from them are women. Believe me, this will get worse if you don’t do anything about it.”

I have many friends that do not know what they are going to be or do in the next future. I also have some friends that content with just enough and reluctant to pursue more. If you want to talk about the world and how its work, it’s true that it’s very difficult for women to compete among men especially in working environment. Because of that, women tend to choose a path that hardly men go for; teaching, counselling, accounting, financing, nursing, etc. And on critical occupation that majorities are men, it’s hard for women to climb the upper ladder of the corporation.

What are the problems? Where did things went wrong? I will not raising any issues of equalities and let the feminist chanting their song of inequality world. The blame is not on inequalities. It’s lacks of awareness.

‘Women need to be educated!’, we constantly raise the argument. How? For what cause? To what extent? On what? What are the benefits?

Just asks yourselves: How much would you really value?

Let’s use an economics model here. When you’re trying to enter the market, first you have to get through the barriers. Can you breakthrough it? If yes, evaluate the market. Who are your customers, competitors, stakeholders, investors? What are your strategies; price, place, product, promotion? How do you sustain your company in long term? How do you growth? How to globalise? Evaluate the economics. Deprresion? Inflation? How to overcome?

If you can answer them all, try putting yourself in the situations. In this world, they are so many challenges that you will go through. You have to identify them and try to make a way out of it. You don’t necessarily have to do it all alone. Friends, family, relatives, teachers, cliques, you have them. They’ll be either you support system or your rivals, either way both are important in your life to keep you moving. And made plans. Equipped yourself with knowledge, skill, values that could help you in the future. And when things went wrong somehow somewhere, they will always be a way out.

The most important thing is, don’t just stop when they’re enough. Don’t settle down when things had become comfortable. Vission more. Be someone whose refuse to live life just as it is.


She is beyond remarkable. I envy her. Not for the tittle or rank that she had achieve. But, for her values, her principles and her minds. Her words are like thorns biting every inch of my heart. She could give you the chills and force you to swallow the painful truth upfront.

If you want to give birth to a child who is successful, you must first be successful. You must first make yourself worthy for them. I was just recovered from an eye infection and my son asked me, what am I doing home and not working? Because they know that their mother belongs to the society. My husband is a surgeon. And they know that whenever their father is not home, he is out there saving other kids life.

Don’t limit yourself to yourself. Contribute to the society.”

I looked her in the eyes and wonder the pain that she had gone through to be at where she was now. And at that time, it suffocating to contain myself from asking, ‘Is it worth it?’. Some reasons people unwilling to be that successful because they know the return that they are going to pay in returns. And it’s already feels unbearable to just imagining it.

“To be a leader, it’s a very lonely place. You have to have that don’t care attitudes. Just don’t care about what people stereotype to you. I have encounter many situations where people mocking me, talking behind my back. Some even said to me; why are you here, just go home and take care of your kids lah. I had been accused of having relationship with my boss because why else would I be here if not because of that right? It has nothing to do with my abilities at all.”

Now, this is where you should reflect on yourselves. The reasons why people treating women that way is because we are the one that let them believe it was the way how women should be treated. When we never challenge ourselves or do the impossible, we can’t expect people to have high expectations on us. All this while, things that we ever do are achievable by them, that was why it is hard for women to be recognised and acknowledge.

If we want to change stereotypes, change ourselves first then.


Sunday, 13 December 2015

BOB Update #2

Lama menyepi. Mungkin belum cukup lama lagi, mungkin.

Alhamdulillah cukup sebulan dah dari mula belajar dekat MMU ni. Sekejap sangat rasa. Tapi dah ada banyak sangat benda dah yang nak cerita hahah. Tapi sebab dah azam nak jadi baik sikit masuk tempat baru ni, mungkin cerita belakang tembok ni simpan untuk pedoman sendiri lah kot.


Seronoknya bila kita amik Alevel and tak lepas nak sambung oversea ialah first semester punya degree silibus kau boleh goreng sambil makan maggi je hahah. Gurau tolong faham saya stress. Nak mengaku pernah amik Alevel pon segan tahap tak ingat. Rasa macam goblok square :’(

Jadi kalau kumpul balik semua member-member dulu, semua cerita study je. Semua dah mindset nak dean list, nak four flat. Kata orang (aku) jatuh sekali, sila bangun sendiri. Jatuh berkali-kali, lagi tak ada yang peduli. Sedih kan dunia ni. Tapi tak payah nak sedih sangat, ada usaha ada jalan.

So bila aku dengar budak-budak dekat sini asik cakap,

‘You jangan risau, dekat sini kalau first sem tak lepas ke kena repeat ke normal lah tu.’

Kalau dekat INTEC, selalu cakap dekat member; ‘Janganlah expect aku high sangat.’ Tapi dekat sini rasa macam nak cakap je; ‘Janganlah expect aku low sangat.’

And kalau tanya senior yang bersepah-sepah pon, jawapan dia lebih kurang macam tu lah tu. Ada yang kena extend semester sebab kena repeat. Ada yang siap cakap, ‘alah first year senang je.’ Nak suruh aku tak payah belajar lah tu -.-‘

Tercampak dekat sini pon dah robek apa lagi kalau kena repeat. Meninggal.

Kau kena faham aku dah dua tahun hidup dalam environment yang surrounding aku semua budak-budak kaki belajar. Ada yang tak belajar tu pon spesis yang kalau masuk exam dapat perfect score. Boleh bayang tak ada housemates yang bangun tidur je terus bukak buku. Makan depan buku. Tidur pon bawak buku.

Jadinya dekat sini kalau aku buat nota awal, siapkan tutorial, buat assignment, rasa macam nerd sangat. Padahal dah cukup pemalas dah tu. So, rasalah jugak culture shock tu.

Tapi, yang bestnya society dia memang active. Every week tu mesti ada event or booth dari orang luar atau student sendiri. Rasa meriah sangat kalau nak pergi kelas pon jumpa budak-budak faculty lain apa semua. Something yang jarang nak dapat lah kalau dekat INTEC. Kalau dekat INTEC tu cengkerik pon mungkin lagi bising, student semua lepak library.

Kenapa entah asik cerita pasal INTEC. INTEC ada mydin, dekat dengan KTM, banyak mall, ada pasar malam, ada bazaar. Huaa tak boleh move on :’(

Macam tu lah kisah hidup setakat ni. Selalu orang ingat aku budak 18 tahun baru nak buat foundation. Nak 21 dah tak boleh nak muda lagi ke?

Apa yang paling dugaan sekarang ialah macam mana untuk tak menjadi skeptikal pada orang-orang yang skeptik. Ni part yang paling susah rasanya setakat ni sejak masuk MMU. Kita tak boleh nak halang orang untuk menjadi skeptikal. Tapi macam mana kita nak didik diri sendiri untuk tak jadi skeptik? Susah dia nak nangis rasa.

Kau pandang dia selalu buat lawak, outgoing, tetiba cerita family dia kalah segala macam novel ke drama melayu yang kau pernah baca. Kau stress dah kenapa ajar dia ni tak faham-faham, bila dengar background dia macam mana terus sambung ajar balik dengan penuh kesabarannya. Macam-macam orang ada. Sampai satu tahap aku sendiri yang malas nak judge.

Jadi neutral je dengan semua orang.

Cuma aku susah nak tolerate dengan orang yang main-main dengan stand-of-point aku. Saja nak tolak sana, tolak sini. And sesetengah yang tak cukup common sense. Aku baru sebulan dekat sini, tak payah nak basuh sangat, kau yang sakit jari nanti.

Tak susah nak faham aku. Kalau aku suka aku cakap suka, kalau tak aku buat muka. Kalau kelakar aku gelak, kalau marah aku diam. Kau jangan nak radical sangat, jangan nak liberal sangat. Kalau aku tahu aku kongsi, kalau aku tak tahu tak payah nak buat muka terkejut. Kalau aku ada buat salah tegur, jangan nak mengata belakang.

Common sense.

Dua minggu lepas, ada classmates bergaduh pasal isu feminism.

A: You tengok ni (article), do you think women are being treated equally at the outside world? How many women are able to be leader at the corporate world? Corporations always put men as priority whenever they want to hire employee. Is that fair?

B: Who said corporations prioritise men over women? It’s depending on their qualifications and the job scope. In fact, they are more women employed than men based on statistics. Some job maybe only suitable for men. They are something that men can do that women cannot do. So, you can’t expect for it to be distributed equally. Is it fair if women were task on job that they cannot do?

A: So you said it was all about their qualification. How do us able to get equal qualifications if at some place educations are not being given to the women populations. Just because some people believed that yang orang perempuan ni kalau belajar tinggi-tinggi pon nanti duduk dekat dapur jugak. So there’s no use in educating the women.

Tengok ni (Status twitter: Rasulullah diturunkan untuk mengangkat darjat kaum wanita.)

B: Hahaha, pika tengok ni diorang nak kata Rasulullah feminist. Rasulullah feminist ke tak pika?

Aku: Mana ada Rasulullah feminist.

B: Yeay menang pika sokong.

Aku: Ko dah kenapa aku tak habis cakap lagi. Zaman dulu mana ada term-term feminism ke liberalism apa semua ni. Sekarang ni dia depends macam mana kau define feminism tu. Memang Rasulullah diturunkan untuk angkat darjat wanita. Tapi dia tak menjadi dalil untuk kau nak tuntut persamaan darjat dengan lelaki dalam perkara-perkara yang melibatkan hukum syarak macam perwarisan harta, hak jatuhkan talak, nak jugak jadi imam dalam solat Jemaah bermakmumkan lelaki atau pasal aurat.

Tapi, kalau kau nak cakap pasal persamaan taraf dalam perkara yang melibatkan ekonomi atau hak asasi antara lelaki dan perempuan yang tu tak ada masalah. Macam pasal education, levels of wages, employments. Benda tu dua isu yang lain, tapi dia jadi masalah bila orang nak jadikan quran atau hadith untuk sokong hujah dia. So sekarang ni kau nak cakap pasal feminism in what context? Nak kasi statement tu biar specific sikit so orang tak pening kepala.


Sampai sekarang tak berbunyi dah pasal isu feminism tu.

Ada orang akan pandang aku jenis yang suka bangkang. Semua benda tak kena. Sampaikan ada sorang kawan ni takut nak bagi pandangan kalau aku tengah dengar sebab risau aku cantas. Kebanyakkan masa aku lebih banyak diam je. Seronok dapat dengar pendapat orang. Dari situ kita boleh agak fikrah dia macam mana.

And actually kalau kurang bercakap ni kurang sikit terserlah kebodohannya. Bila bercakap tu pulak pasal benda yang kita betul-betul arif and tahu, orang mesti nak expect lebih. Haa itu rahsianya, silakan mencuba.

Oh point dia dekat atas tu, jangan ajak aku debat, Diskusi tak apa :)

*post tiada kaitan dengan gambar*