Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Amanda Prowse, What Have I Done?

Kathryn Brooker made me wonder is this actually what every mother and wife had felt? It made me reflect on what my mom had been through and what exactly has she felt. And most importantly on what will I go through in the future.

She is either tough enough to bear all the suffering and pain she didn’t deserve to get or she is just that stupid letting herself being hurt by not fighting back.

That’s frustrating moment when she got cut by her husband and I literally go, bapaklah hentak jelah kepala dia dengan stick hockey ke baseball!

Lucky me I have both in my room. Just in case.

Sometimes, I don’t understand what power men have over women that made them think that it’s okay to hurt women. Physically or verbally. No. I can’t understand more why women letting themselves to be hurt in the first place.

“Are you mad, Mark? Is this where this comes from? Are you insane? Do you know that you are mad, or do you think that you are not? It surely has to be madness that drives you. It has to be an unsound mind, a cruel and mad disposition that drives you to do those unspeakable things to me.

Where does it come from, Mark? Did someone do bad things to you? Where does the idea germinate? Does your behavior bring you joy or sadness? It brings me sadness, Mark; it brings me great sadness. You have taken the person that I was and you have slowly dismantle me over the years until this is all that is left, this shell, this casing, that used to house a person. It used to house me, but me is gone and the husk that is left.”

Kathryn is an ambitious woman. She knows what to do in her life. She has plans. Having met and married to Mark Brooker, her life turns to hell. She had to complete a round of chores every day, often pointless and repetitive chores that were designed to exhaust and break her spirit. Then, later at night Mark would allocate her points according to how badly he thought she had executed the chores. These points on a scale of one to ten would determine what came next.

The deepness of the cut.

After a long sixteen years, she killed him. Knifed him in the gut and called the police to report the crime she unapologetically commits.

This story reminds me to KL Noir Short Stories, on how a man got arrest for beating up a guy that harass her mother. Or when a man beat up a guy that killed a cat at pasar malam and on how a man got lock up for stealing RM5 from the tabung masjid to buy a lunch.

Those stories might only be just a fiction. But the message that it brought are so clear.

Crime is Oxford-dictionarily defined as:
1. Activities that involve breaking the law.
2. An illegal act or activity that can be punished by law.
3. An act that you think is immoral or is a big mistake.

None of the above definition mentioned the relatedness of justice with crime. Crime is not an act of injustice but it’s an act of breaking the law. But, whose law? You see, these man-made laws aren’t always able to bring out justice. It’s only flaws are that they are made and carry out by us; human.

Law had always works on the equality term. Never on the equity term. That’s why we still have crimes even with thousand of laws and decree established.

That’s the reason why I failed to see that Kathryn is guilty. She’d been sentenced for five years in jail for the crime of law that she breaks. Killing is a crime. But, when her life is at stake, it would be more sinful just letting it go. Because then there’ll be no different than to just commit a ‘suicide’.

I like Kathryn. She acts so indifferent by not shamefully admits about her past. The facts that she is innocent and a victim even didn’t have to be acknowledge by others, because they didn’t know what she had suffered.

Her fight is so inspiring and beautiful. But her loves for her children are not. It had weakened and paralyzed her completely. Besides, they can’t be consider as children. Not anymore. They are young adults with mentally-rude behaviours. Should have just tossed them in the mental ward to fix that loose wire in their brain. Tchhh those kids.