Sunday, 21 December 2014

My Personal Concern; Sem 4

Sometimes, it’s tiring to pretend okay while the truth is that you always crave a little attention and affection from your friends. I’m not a kid anymore and yeah that’s really a problem. Please give me a little love, guys. It’s dark and lonely here fyi T.T

You know exam and me are like water and oil. Only with the existence of soap can those two be mix together. Be the soap, please. *begging*

Haha its okay. I’m fine (I’m not).

Tomorrow will be the start of my last sem. I’m really grateful for that. And in two weeks, I’ll be sitting my external final AS level examination. I’m not prepared and never will. But, I guess I just have to redah jela. I have my own saying you know, ‘in life we must not be afraid to aim for the top, but we must always be prepared to be on the bottom’..

That really describes me well.

So, my concerns nowadays are my studies, of course. I want to get good grades, get a bunch of offer letters from universities, fly to UK, pass with Economics degree in hand, back to Malaysia in 3 years, and last but not least getting employed.

But, from the very first concern I had already struggling to my bone let alone the rest. I’ll be zombie. Study should be fun!!! What’s wrong with me and all the negative thoughts?

These past few months I can’t really sleep.

I have one more concern that just at the think of it makes me really annoyed and annoyed so annoyed that there’s one time I quickly jump to my table and open my books; studying. Hey, that’s good. I guess I had to think about that quite often haa. Ahh I’m so annoyed!

I had a cousin of my age, and we were compared a lot. Since we were 12, everything was like competition between us. Who’s better and who’s not. First, it was about the upsr. I’m okay with that since us both got 5A’s. Then, he enter MRSM and ohh that’s hurt (since I applied too).. I don’t even remember his name then, not until my mom brought it up again at our pmr year. That was officially my first time dealing with insecurity. Hahahh.

After spm was the most intense moment ever. We both get good grades and he applied for mara scholarship while I applied for jpa’s. It’s unfair though because jpa include personal and group interview to the applicant, and I just don’t have the confidence to make it through. What a day!

Still, I got it. And yeah he too. Under different scholarship, doing different degree, at the SAME country. This brings me to tears. Ahh whatever. My point is that, what if he could fly while I’m not. The real concern that make me tak senang duduk rasa mcam dah kenapa kau dapat UK jugak T.T

I really hope that we both could fly so that all the comparing of who’s better and who’s best could just stop. I mean, come on. It’s really stressful and even we’re family, we didn’t feel like one. And we didn’t act like one too. I even scared to ask him his pointer because what if he’s doing great? Because I’m not. Tehee :’(

Acap (kiri)
Cap dah lah eh cap. Penat ah penat penat. Buat je lah leklok final tu nati kita 
jumpa kat UK. Kalau tak jumpa tu jangan nak tanya lah kenapa. 
Aherrr. Nak felai~

At least, that made me feels like studying.

*Karimu anta Allah, yusahhilna fi haza al-imtihan*

*Najjihna fi haza al-imtihan*

*Allahu Allah, ya zaljala li wa al-ikram*

*Sabbaha lillah ma fi as-sama’ wa ma fi al-ardh*

*Aj`alna min ibadika as-syakirin*