Sunday, 9 February 2014

Not Being Me

Last friday I found an advertisement about this one seminar,

I got so excited I texted the number telling Him that I want to join.
I don't think - as usual.
How will I get there?
The transportation fees?
All I know that I was already half my way to bank-in the registration fees.
I did hesitate.
But, it just that when I'd make up my mind I don't think twice.
Because then I'll start to make excuses.

Sometimes I don't really mind going alone.
I'm totally find with it.
But then people be like
"Who are you with? Alone? You came alone?"
That's what I can't stand the most.

So I was in front of the bank.
But for the very first time I didn't went in.
Instead I sat on the bench.
Why did I do that?
I was seeking for a sign perhaps.
I was very disturbed because this was so not like me.
The old me, she will definitely went to the atm and transfer the money.

Hardly I contained myself.
From doing something that I really want to.
Maybe it was because of this one thing I'd say.

My dad asked,
'Ika esok balik tak?'
He never missed to ask me this every week.
Sometimes it was hard to reply.
His happiness or my student life.
So I told my dad that this weekend, I won't be home.
I want to study, to revise.
I got tests and assignments ahead.

Sadly, I didn't even think twice when I saw this adv.
I even forgot about what I'd say to my dad.
The reason why I don't want to go back home.

So I went back in vain.
In pain.
That's what happen when you don't think.

Saturday, 1 February 2014


So tomorrow is a big day. As volunteer we have to register at Kolej Perindu, UiTM Shah Alam. At 3rd, the opening ceremony will be held. And at 4th, the tournament will be officially started until 16th of February. Oh how I wish I’m in the middle of my sem break. I really am desperately wanted to join it.

A few days ago, I got a message directly from the SUKIPT committee member. I’d been assign to watch over the tennis competition. I don’t really into tennis but still it’s not an everyday opportunity right. I really want to be there. But every time I think of it, there’s this sudden feel of guilt crept in me. How about my lecture class?? Am I going to take another leave - again?? And the taxi fees, it really burnt down my whole pocket.

‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way’

Ahh, I have the will but there’s no other way. Unless I can split my body two. I don’t want to be the only one left behind in class and I don’t want to miss the only chance I have to be part of our country biggest sport event!

Sometimes, you just can’t have it all. There’ll be time that we all have to choose. And that’s also mean to sacrifice. To choose is to sacrifice. Am I greed? Because I want them both. Do you know that feels when you want something that bad you’re willing to do anything? That’s actually how I felt about SUKIPT.

On 18th January, we were call for volunteer briefing at Stadium UiTM Shah Alam. I constantly told myself back then, ‘Just give it a try and then make up your mind later’. I was afraid to go to an unfamiliar place alone. I asked my friend, but I hate to trouble people with my own problem. So, deep breath and I was there…

It was deserted. Found out that I was the earliest at the moment. So, I take a walk of course. Now, things look a little less scarier than before.

This dilemma continues when I had to attend the volunteer workshop at 20th to 23rd January. My class.. oh my class.. After hours of brain storming, I saw a way. Like usual, I go to class and after 4pm I’ll just head back to UiTM Shah Alam. That’s seem nice, at the moment yes. But, the hardest part is to go to INTEC from UiTM.

I asked a favor from my friend to pick me up since she has a car but things went wrong. Extremely wrong. Both of us got lost inside the campus and for 30 minutes we didn’t met each other, I told her to just go without me since it’s already 8am. She was slightly mad at me. I mean, okay I’m really sorry you got lost and suddenly my phone went dead. It’s not what I had plan in mind.

I got trouble myself. After that, I wait for bus and as I step on it I just realized I left my wallet. Embarrassing moment ever. I had to ask the driver to let me down as soon as I step on it. Then, I head back to the hostel. Guess what? Embarrassing moment ever number 2. I accidentally enter the male hostel! I just realize I took the wrong turn when I saw a man doing a laundry.

In front of my room, ‘Nice, my money in there, I don’t have the key and my phone battery is dead. Tragic.’ Then, quietly I follow a couple of girls from behind who want to go to dining hall to get their breakfast. First thing first, let’s eat.

Although I finally found the key holder, unlocked the room, get the money, called a taxi to pick me up and arrived at INTEC at 10am, somehow I don’t feel that all of my effort was worth. In 2 hours, I’d do things that I never imagine I will do in my life. I even asked a ‘polis bantuan’ to give me a ride. And she was like, ‘I want to but I don’t have an extra helmet’. That moment when you’d been rejected, embarrassing moment ever number 3.

But I got to know new friends. And I don’t regret a little when it comes to that. It was something that you can’t get inside the classrooms. It was worth all the pains, moneys, times, lessons, and etc. It was experiences.

*sila tambah kak-. coz I'm the youngest.
the havoc roommates
'kan gua dah cakap gua... havoc2' - kak sab
tetiboh hehe ^^

terima kasih kolej perindu~
kan ku rindu mu selalu

ldk - team building

 kumpulan 2 - gorila

I guess that was all that I can afford of. I was that close but at the end, I just have to let go. It's ok. There'll be another time. I've made up my mind. I will not go the briefing tomorrow. Let's just end it here.

I hereby want to wish good luck and happy fighting to those who involve directly or indirectly in this SUKIPT whether as an athlete, committee or volunteer. Do your best and enjoy the moments while it still last. Be part of something this big is an achievement. Seek the pleasure in aiding others and never to claim for return. 

*majulah sukan untuk negara!