The saddest part of being a high school student was the fact that you had to leave it eventually. But, yeah. Life goes on and the past, it had to stay past so that we can call it ‘the past’.
I like recalling the past. Actually, I still can’t make myself let go of it. Maybe I just don’t want to. It’s like me walking forward while my body facing backward. I don’t know what actually coming to me and I’m not prepare for it. It makes me nervous. What if I don’t like it? What if I can’t handle it? That’s why it calls future. No one really knows about it.
My SPM weeks were . . . just not my best memories ever.
I lost friends. I made friends. I studied, ate, prayed, slept all by myself. It’s such a long and lonely day, those days. Everyone studied on their own. The dorm is deserted. And I, I just lay in my bed. I really am.
I often came late to class. I didn’t hang out with my usual friends anymore. Walking alone around the school and rarely smile. That’s all me during the SPM. I always tell myself how I hate SPM so much. Not because I had to study. But, because it’d take everything that I knew away. I was so depressed and I was so tired of keeping everything to myself.
Lucky I had a few friends that are still cared and knew that I’m exist. My bed mates, Iman, Sayyid, Madihah, Aliyah, Farhani, Salwani and Nazirah. Peoples often see them as the nerds just because they are quiet. But, actually they are happy with not many people bothering their life. And those nerds, they help me to survive my most crucial days.
Bless upon them.
Then, it’s over. Everything turns back to where it belongs. My long lost friends suddenly greeted me. If only they knew the loneliness that I’d been through, they won’t dare even to smile at me. I can forgive, everyone can. But to forget, can you?
Some might say, ‘I wish I can have my SPM’s life back’.
Oh, please don’t. Consider someone that spends half of their SPM’s week crying instead of studying. Not everyone so fortunate like you do. And now I know being smart have it price. People will seek you but after they find someone smarter, they’ll leave you.
I have an advice. It doesn’t matter how hard you try, if Allah doesn’t will then it wouldn’t happen. Don’t blame yourself saying that you’re stupid. That’s nonsense. What if you fail? What if you get bad result? That’s the beauty of future, no one live or dead knows about it. Have faith.