*Ohh, alahai tajuk. Mengundang betul.
So, it’s all about love today. This is my first attempt to write about such a lousy thing called ‘love’. Awkward. Nervous.
Here goes nothing . . .
I have this one feeling. It keeps my head spin, out of breath, heart pounding. I hate it. Still, I like it. It reminds of how human I’ve been. How week I could be.
There’s time, I felt like flying through the cloud passing over the moon across the stars. I created a world so unreal and hoping that somehow it’ll pop into a reality. I dream so hard, I can’t even tell which is real and which is not. Soaked deeply into the fantasy, I kept on dreaming.
For most of the time, I kept on hiding. Pretend to hide this feeling when I know it’s too obvious that it shows. I turned myself so icy cold that it brings chill to whoever that comes near. This is me with heart of bricks. I am bulletproof nothing could ever penetrate it.
You caught me off guard. You’d turn that bricks of mine into a fragile glass. For a while, I’d become the awkward me. Life seems so sweet. Even the cloud looks like candy. I started to smile without reasons. Laughing at jokes when it’s not even funny.
I like to watch you afar. So far I hope you’ll never know my existence. So far I wish you would just disappear. Strange? When how countless time I’d pray to be placed further from you, the more fate bumped us around. I hate that. I hate the fact that I can’t hide this feeling when you suddenly showed up. I hate this side of me. This wimp.
Time passed by and I was not even near to forget you. Not even try actually. *sigh*. My head was so full with the thought of you. I started imagining things.
Why . . . can’t I forget?
can’t I move on?
am I not letting go?
Just why? And why?
This feeling now was full with ache. Those glasses now have shatter I fear it’ll fall into pieces.
Just in time it turns into ashes, His warmth love aids my ache and washes all my pain away. He put my heart in ease just by remembering Him. I cried so hard. For the fact that He always crave for my attentions, and I was dumb enough to ignore Him.
For all this time, I’ve been seeking love not from you. And I’ve been disappoint as much as I seek it. I’d forget that you are the creator, the owner and the keeper of all love.
Seal tight this love, O lord.
For the man that crave only your love. For the man that please you and hold only to you.
Seal tight my love, O lord.
Seal it tight.