Thinking about my future is so stressful. I've got a scholarship interview tomorrow, yet I still haven't made up my mind about which courses should I take. I don't think that I still have a dream. Why must I've been dreaming when I know that I cannot turn it into reality. But, it's like almost impossible too to live in this cruel world without a dream to hold on.
I had a dream once. I want to become an architect. It was a dream I had grew up with. Everything about it can make me excite. I can see myself as one in 10 or maybe 20 years time. How am I going to live? What firm am I going to work with? Which country I want to pursue my study at? Everything was like crystal clear to me.
Then, I dare not to dream again. Because the pain was so crucial for me to handle with. The pain when someone told you to let go of your dream and that you will not make it in the real world. That's mean. I've never had a chance to do what I want. I've never been given an opportunity to make a choice. But, will you say something like that to your parents in their face.
Whenever I look into their eyes, I've lost my guts. Those eyes that had raise you so well when they had the choice not to do so. Those eyes that fill with hopes. Those tired and wrinkling eyes. How on earth can I say something so harsh to them. It's unforgivable. It's even forbidden.
I want to make them happy even if that's mean I would have to forget about my dreams. Even if it's mean that I have to sacrifice my future. I just doesn't want to loose those smile. How else can I show my gratitude to them.
10 or 20 years from now, I might be doing something that I've never think I would had any interest in. But, believe me. I will be a successful person when that time is come. I will spread my wings wide and soar into the sky.